top of page

Decoding the Friendzone: A Woman's Perspective

Written By: Melani Le'ona

Every guy hates it.... Things were great, and then... Friendzone, again.

Let's start by demystifying the friendzone. It's a relational space where one party desires a romantic connection while the other sees only friendship potential. While the reasons for this can vary, it often boils down to a mismatch in romantic interest or chemistry. When a woman views a man as a friend rather than a potential partner, it's typically because the spark simply isn't there on her end. However, what I want you to look at is why it may not be there.

In simplest terms, the friendzone refers to a situation where one person (usually a man) has romantic feelings for another person (usually a woman), but those feelings are not reciprocated. Instead, the woman sees the man as a friend and nothing more. The reasons for this can vary, but often it comes down to a lack of romantic chemistry or attraction on her part.

Before you doubt yourself for being in the friendzone, remember that you are in a role that no one else has the opportunity to have. While this may not be your ideal situation, but if you focus on what you have to be grateful for in the situation, it will allow for a bond incomparable to anything else. Your friendship with this person can grow into something both of you need more than a "date".

The Role of Attraction: Attraction is a complex and multifaceted phenomenon that goes beyond physical appearance. While physical attraction certainly plays a role, there are many other factors that contribute to whether or not a woman feels romantically drawn to a man. These can include personality, sense of humor, values, interests, and compatibility. If a woman doesn't feel a spark or connection with a man on a deeper level, she may see him as a friend rather than a potential romantic partner.

But, I need you to know what that actually means.

Chemistry, or "spark" can oftentimes happen with someone who is nothing more than a mirror of our upbringing. If a woman has been hurt, especially if she was recently hurt, her idea of "chemistry" may be askew. For instance, a trauma bond confuses people into believing that the chaos and turmoil of a roller-coaster relationship is healthy chemistry… and that anything less “thrilling” is just another boring relationship.

She feels safe with you. The friendzone is not to be taken lightly. You actually have an extremely significant role! You are a safe place for her to land. She may have a painful past she is healing from, she may have recently ended a relationship. She may be a single mom who has to be protective of little ones at home. Her reasons may be a combination of these, or could be completely different. But, it is a gift that she knows exactly where she is, and does not lead you on. So, therefore, respect those boundaries. She is healing- which is exactly what you need her to do before dating this woman. Respecting our boundaries goes a long way for most females- much more so than pushing boundaries, or having an agenda.

Communication is Key: If you find yourself in the friendzone, communication is key. While it can be tempting to suppress your feelings or hope that they'll magically change over time, the truth is that honesty is the best policy. Express your feelings to the woman in question respectfully and authentically, being mindful of her boundaries and feelings. Let her know that while you value your friendship, you also have romantic feelings for her and would like to explore the possibility of something more. By communicating openly and honestly, you give her the opportunity to respond in kind and potentially reconsider her feelings towards you.

Respect Her Decision: It's important to remember that you can't force someone to have romantic feelings for you if they don't. If the woman decides that she sees you strictly as a friend and nothing more, it's essential to respect her decision and boundaries. This may mean taking some time apart to process your feelings and move on, or it may mean finding a way to redefine your relationship as friends while letting go of any romantic expectations. Whatever the case may be, remember that her feelings are valid, and it's essential to respect her autonomy and agency in the situation.

Focus on Yourself: Guys, it is absolutely essential to remember that your worth and value as a person are not determined by your relationship status. Be grateful for the friendship you have cultivated. Use this time to focus on yourself, pursue your passions, and invest in your own personal growth and development. Cultivate a fulfilling and enriching life outside of your romantic pursuits, and remember that true happiness comes from within.

Be Authentic: No woman wants to be with a man who only portrays himself as a friend, in the hopes he can one day have more. Women can smell that mentality with every offer of "helping" her.

Explore Other Opportunities: Please, stop limiting yourself to just one romantic prospect. If you find yourself stuck in the friendzone with one woman, don't be afraid to explore other opportunities and meet new people. Keep an open mind and an open heart, and you may be surprised by who you connect with and where you find love. Having a female friend to help you navigate new love can be a priceless asset!

The friendzone can be a challenging experience, but it's essential to remember that it is far from the end of the world. Be confident enough to be her real friend, and you will be valued above all. By understanding why women may put men into the "friendzone", and approaching the situation with honesty, respect, and self-awareness, you can navigate this territory with confidence and grace. Remember to communicate openly, respect her decision, focus on yourself, and explore other opportunities. With the right attitude and approach, you may just find yourself breaking out of the friendzone and into something more.


bottom of page